Good Clients

In looking at my postings recently, I realized that I have posted a lot about problems. I do this because they tend to be the more dramatic encounters, physical or virtual, and because I think these difficulties are little discussed, even among those of us who do bodywork. I hope my posting about them will be a support to my Sacred Intimate brothers who may encounter similar clients and also a cautionary tale to future clients, to better understand what happens behind the scenes of my practice.

But, of course I do have wonderful clients. Many of them.

One of these wonderful clients is my most regular one. Aside from being a lovely human being, he is also a very creative one. He is one of the many members of the clergy I have been privileged to work with over the years. These men, because of their backgrounds, understand and relish the ritual possibilities of Sacred Intimate work - how a session can be crafted as a container for a specific inner experience at a specific time. They also seem to have an uncanny knack of creating brilliant playful experiences. I have to think that their being grounded in their bodies helps them serve their congregations in unique and resourceful ways.

I had a surprising and good new client just this afternoon. He had contacted me a few days ago and set up an appointment. Unfortunately, these days, significant advance planning means there's a 50-50 chance of cancellation. He did confirm, however, and showed up on time. He was pleasant but seemed…ummm… skittish. He wanted little conversation ahead of time and asked for what I term a nurturing massage. Throughthe session,  he was breathing, there was little evidence of relaxation or pleasure, either from vocalization, increased breathing or body movement.

Little evidence until I got to his perineum and nipples, that is. These areas seemed to unlock his body in a way, not only providing apparent pleasure but also relaxing into deeper breathing. Interestingly, he didn’t want a release. Even though there were not many words exchanged afterwards, the session evidently game him something surprising and good, as he initiated a text conversation about future work later on. In one of these texts, he admitted to having been fearful (what felt to me as skittish). He didn’t specify the reason(s) for his fear, but I assume it is something about the infrequent experience of good touch from a man. I assured him that future sessions would ease that fear and provide for richer exploration, relaxation or understanding.

These clients who relax and open visibly into a session are very rewarding - a good reminder that conscious loving bodywork really does help us be better citizens of the world by inhabiting our bodies more fully.

Wishing you happy and fulfilling embodiment!

Bargaining for Body Work

I posted a while back about pricing body work sessions. This issue was brought up again yesterday when someone contacted me via text about an appointment. He got through some basic questions and then asked about price. The conversation went something like this:
Him: How much do you charge?
    Me: $100
Him: Oh.
    Me: …
Him: I’m very good looking.
    Me: My rate is already lower than most people in town.
Him: Even without sex? I’m looking for work and I’m kind of broke.
    Me:  I see. I’m sorry. I wish you luck in looking for a job.

I assume other body workers get such communications, though I’ve never asked directly. I do in fact say on my website that I will offer a reduction to students and active duty military.Those two categories of men have specific stresses that I feel can be helped in a unique way by a session and I feel that a reduction in rate is a service to them. As always, my thought is that body work is a right not a privilege. It should be as available as possible to as many men as possible, while still providing me with the sustenance and worth that I deserve.

And those last points - sustenance and worth - have become more resonant the longer I do this work. Last night, I did have the time for a session after I got home from a meditation group. It really was a question of worth. I can’t really know if this man was in fact broke or if he was just using a line he had used many times before on others to get a reduced rate. (I am not mistrustful by nature, but one must have eyes open as well as heart open… )

I am lucky in that I don’t rely solely on body work to put food on the table; I have more leeway than others. But I do remember from long ago, one of my beloved teachers in Sacred intimacy, Harry Faddis, saying that we must train our clients in certain things. He was referring to scheduling there specifically, but it can be applied here as well. If I had offered this man a lower price, would he have tried to ask for even lower? Would he have come for the session, given me an even lower amount afterwards and said: “That’s all I have?” (I did have this happen once…) If he wanted to come back for a future session would that be a reduced rate too?

For me, avoiding all those uncomfortable possibilities is the best policy. My rate feels like a fair one for both me and clients. I have only raised my rate twice in all the years I have been doing the work and am somewhere between $20 and $50 less per session than comparable others here. In the end, each of us must make the pricing decision on what best represents our vision of the work and needs in life. Good conscious client can decide which of those visions works best for us.

In health and fullness

An unusal lesson that cost $120

I have great respect for bodyworkers of all types. And, in all these years of giving and getting bodywork, I have encountered relatively few people whom I think are patently deceptive or dishonest.

Last week, I booked with a masseur I found on the internet, like so many others. He required a few days notice ( a little unusual, because most people do day-of or next-day) and then a pre-payment. I was a bit unnerved by that, but thought that it wasn't a bad business model, cutting way down on the possibility of a client no-show. It hadn't occurred to me that it could be used as a weapon.

First, the day before the appointment, he said he wasn't feeling well and needed to reschedule. OK. It happens. I have had to do it too. We rescheduled for three days later. Then, three hours before the rescheduled appointment, he texts and says he is getting his tires fixed and that he will need to reschedule again. I ask for my money back (nicely). He says I signed a contract and that there are no refunds. Only then did I call him a scam artist and a small-time conman and block his texts. Then, I get an email threatening me with libel if I leave a bad review on his company site.

I will not hurt because of the lost money. I don't want this event to hang around my space any longer either. I really hate when someone who is supposedly in a helping profession harms potential clients. Feeling the exact opposite of why you go to a bodyworker - groundedness, health, held space, gentleness, healing - is unpleasant.

Below you will see his company page on Facebook and the email he sent.
Please avoid this person. There are so many of us who want to help and make the world a better place.

With best wishes for spring renewal!
Larrty

The Communication Circus

I have talked about communication issues with clients before in this blog. Sometimes, it’s about communicating with clients when they are here for a session - what do they want, where are boundaries, etc. Other times, it’s about communication before a client even books an appointment. I wonder if some folks think I’m exaggerating when I talk about these issues.

I really do like to assume that potential clients, even where there is terse or strained communication ahead of time, are inquiring for reasons relating to personal comfort and appropriateness of a match with the provider. Most of the time, this is the case.

Below, you will see a conversation that just happened via WhatsApp. One part happened two days before the second. The phone number began with +30, which I found out is from Greece. While it’s possible that a Greek is in Chicago and wants an appointment, there were so many missing or odd cues in the messages that red flags were waving left and right.

I still have no idea who this was or what he really wanted besides sex. I don’t even know if he was local. One particularly odd thing was that the day he was asking for an appointment is supposed to be ungodly cold. Not to mention this at all in terms of getting to my place or finding out where I live was yet another strange piece of this conversation.

So, here is Exhibit A. A cautionary tale? A law enforcement trap? A person just playing games who wouldn’t show? A thief trying to get an address from someone unsuspecting? You be the judge!!