I’m not a good dancer. At least now. There was one point in my now-distant past when I went out dancing with a female friend regularly, but it was fairly short-lived. The combination of not liking really loud music or tight crowds or late nights makes the usual places where people dance not my thing.
As a musician, I have a very good sense of rhythm, but several years ago when I did eight weeks of same-sex ballroom dance, I saw that this does not at all equate to body grace. And, without consistent practice, I have little aptitude for muscle memory it seems.
Rather than closing the door on this aspect of myself, I decided to explore. I began Tai Chi three years ago. This practice addresses both the issues of body grace and muscle memory, while instilling the concept of “meditation in motion”. It isn’t easy for me at all. I struggle with distraction and boredom on a very regular basis. However, the parts of it that enliven and teach awareness that moves both from inside out and outside in are very beneficial for me.
The other avenue of exploration that I have used to explore feeling constrained in body movement has been a series of three dvds by Gabrielle Roth - The Wave, The Power Wave and The Inner Wave. Honestly, I think I bought them several years ago partly because someone had mentioned this method of movement meditation and partly because the set was on sale! These dvds have turned out to be fun, interesting, expanding ways for me to explore my body. The dvds are really well-produced so they are actually fun to watch, even if Gabrielle’s silky purr with instructions seems a bit too sexy or cheesy at times. Despite this distraction, her directions are good and clear. For someone like me, who doesn’t improvise easily with movement, it guides me in a way that helps me get out of my head in a very different way. There are times I feel either “caught” or bored where this method of improvised meditational movement can really help ground me and wake me up.
I have only done these programs by myself. I have wondered if I would feel terribly inhibited or self-conscious if others were doing it along with me. For the moment, the solo exploration feels fine. But maybe a group session’s boundary pushing would provide even more waking up... I’ll keep you posted!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
The Power of Choice: Ask! Tell!
First, I apologize for the lack of postings here. I have six different parts of careers and this part is the easiest to let drop.
I was reminded today by a client about the power of choice - about asking for what you want and wanting what you get. He had come to me two or three times about five years ago. Before making this appointment, he had looked at my webpage again and found the various blog posts that had appeared since his last visit. The one that struck him was Porn vs. Body Work. Specifically, how he had allowed masseurs masturbate him (or in one case insert his finger with untrimmed fingernail into his anus), not voicing his own discomfort, both emotional and physical, about what was going on. It was a good-looking guy touching him sexually, so it couldn’t be that bad, right? My naming this as an abusive act struck a chord with him.
What my blog post connected for him was this discomfort with certain masseurs and an experience he had as an early teenager: an older cousin told him he didn’t know how to masturbate and had to show him the right way, i.e. jerking him off. Though it may have felt good, he had no choice, no voice, no ability to say no or stop. Luckily, there was no physical harm done to compound his unease and confusion. But unthinking masseurs were reinforcing this unfortunate incident decades later by assuming and not asking important things.
I don’t talk to clients often about the concept of erotic choice. I don’t want people to get stuck in their heads when I’m trying to get them into their bodies. However, it underlies much of what I and other Sacred Intimates do. Even though our boundaries, specialties and comfort zones might be different, true Sacred Intimates share the understanding of just how important allowing a client his or her erotic choice really is. Cultivating and allowing a space for this choice can bring amazing benefit not only in the bedroom (or wherever you choose to have your erotic play), but out in the world, too. Once we are more certain of our bodies and their worth in one circumstance, once an inner barometer of safety and harmony has been validated, I wager we are less likely to allow that worth and safety to be compromised in others.
So, speak your erotic truth! Speak it with compassion and love and ask those around you to do the same! What a different planet this would be if all of us could do this!
I was reminded today by a client about the power of choice - about asking for what you want and wanting what you get. He had come to me two or three times about five years ago. Before making this appointment, he had looked at my webpage again and found the various blog posts that had appeared since his last visit. The one that struck him was Porn vs. Body Work. Specifically, how he had allowed masseurs masturbate him (or in one case insert his finger with untrimmed fingernail into his anus), not voicing his own discomfort, both emotional and physical, about what was going on. It was a good-looking guy touching him sexually, so it couldn’t be that bad, right? My naming this as an abusive act struck a chord with him.
What my blog post connected for him was this discomfort with certain masseurs and an experience he had as an early teenager: an older cousin told him he didn’t know how to masturbate and had to show him the right way, i.e. jerking him off. Though it may have felt good, he had no choice, no voice, no ability to say no or stop. Luckily, there was no physical harm done to compound his unease and confusion. But unthinking masseurs were reinforcing this unfortunate incident decades later by assuming and not asking important things.
I don’t talk to clients often about the concept of erotic choice. I don’t want people to get stuck in their heads when I’m trying to get them into their bodies. However, it underlies much of what I and other Sacred Intimates do. Even though our boundaries, specialties and comfort zones might be different, true Sacred Intimates share the understanding of just how important allowing a client his or her erotic choice really is. Cultivating and allowing a space for this choice can bring amazing benefit not only in the bedroom (or wherever you choose to have your erotic play), but out in the world, too. Once we are more certain of our bodies and their worth in one circumstance, once an inner barometer of safety and harmony has been validated, I wager we are less likely to allow that worth and safety to be compromised in others.
So, speak your erotic truth! Speak it with compassion and love and ask those around you to do the same! What a different planet this would be if all of us could do this!
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