A client a few days ago pushed more buttons than has happened in a long while. He first told me about a pinched nerve in his right leg that required special touch. Fair enough. Then, as the session went along, more and more restrictions came to light - sensitivity to pressure, little stretching, don’t touch the feet. He just seemed like a generally closed individual, and, with the exception of the pinched nerve, everything he asked for less of his body could actually have benefitted from more. In the midst, he wasn’t comfortable in the face cradle, so wanted to turn over a good 20 minutes before that would have happened in a usual massage session. Then, unsurprisingly, he began touching his own cock regularly and pulling me closer into him.
He did ask for full-body hug while on the table. It surprised me greatly because it was the first (and only) non-constraining wish he voiced. However, after about 30 seconds, he said: “That’s enough” and pushed me away.
The first effect of all this was requiring me to use a certain measure of ingenuity to do what needed to be done to create any kind of effective session. The second effect was getting me annoyed by all the various “extra” elements present in the session. The final effect was to make my mind spin into many stories about who this was and why was he even bothering to have a session.
With clients like this, I try to engage as much compassion as I possibly can to cut through my mind’s chatter about who this person is - I just can’t know. As long as no harm to me may be involved, opening my heart wider to human suffering is a useful and expanding spiritual practice. It’s the only way I know to bring an overriding sensitivity to a session where heart-filled qualities may not be easily arise naturally. (Karuna, the word in Pali for compassion, is one of the seminal practices in Buddhism for overcoming ill will.)
And, of course, I find the limits of my compassion as well, usually more quickly than I would hope.
Two interesting footnotes:
After all of his touching of his own cock and of me, he didn’t want a release. Perhaps it would have required too much work and energy. Again, I just can’t know.
And, after the session was done, he told me how much more relaxed he felt. This gave me a big internal giggle, since I felt like all his restrictions had allowed me to do next to nothing to help him.
Even after 16+ years of doing this work, I still get surprised by the limits of “knowledge” and the complexity of humans. All I can do is open my heart and my hands and be present both to the client and myself.
