Generosity

One of the ways I find I learn the most about body work practice is by going to others. As a client, how do I respond to this person and how do I fit in that experience on that day. While I certainly don't relish the less-than-great experiences, I do find there is something to note there.

I went to someone for the second time today. This is a very attractive man who has a pleasant massage space in his living room. He has a pleasant manner and actually does not do bad body work at all.

But... something was "off". It was partly the "50 minutes equals an hour" thing. It was partly the lack of warm connection after the massage - a hug, a squeeze, a nice handshake looking in the eyes. It was partly not getting massaged on my head, neck or chest. It was partly having the release be the last thing that happened. It was partly not feeling that he cared much about the release one way or another.

I felt these things first time I went and thought maybe it was the first-time client thing. But "it" was there this time too. And the only way I can describe it is lack of generosity.

In Buddhism, generosity ("dana" in Pali) is one of the most important concepts - how and what we share with the world directly relates to our openness and compassion. It is not about giving everything away or letting others walk all over you; that would show lack of compassion for ourselves if we then are suffering. It is about an open heart and sharing what is possible and appropriate in any given instance.

This man did a good job at the massage, but didn't inhabit the session with me. The things that I felt were "off" showed me a lack of a certain kind of presence. It was very instructive. I certainly don't feel equally connected to every man who ends up having a sessions with me. Being very honest, there have been a few sessions where I can't wait for the session to be done. BUT, particularly in those difficult sessions, I consciously call up compassion and lovingkindness (karuna and metta in Pali, two of the most important ways of opening the heart) and try to be as present as possible, inhabiting the session with the client in any way I can - NOT running away internally.

Staying present can be a rough spiritual practice when you're balancing the work of Sacred Intimacy with aversion of some sort. It can be done successfully and meaningfully, however. And the bottom line is, the client feels the difference. This client. And the next client. And the client after that. Nurturing the open heart with awareness is never empty practice!

Wishing you all heart-filled touch and awareness!