An Erotic Anniversary

An Erotic Anniversary: CBE Redux

This weekend I celebrated an erotic anniversary - 20 years ago, I attended my first event with the Body Electric School, Celebrating the Body Erotic. That weekend began me on the journey that became Sacred Intimate work. Though I have not had a lot of contact with the school in recent years, this initial opening and the subsequent weekends and workshops in which I participated had a profound effect on my understanding of what it means to be in a body.

In brief, this weekend is a scripted journey into erotic awareness through group process, self-touch, visualization, breath work and massage. It is all held in a container of safety and openness created by the facilitator. The participants are of all ages, shapes and sizes, and have varying levels of inner and erotic awareness.

I had asked my friends coordinating and facilitating not to publicize the fact that I had a long history with the school and that I did Sacred Intimate work. As much as possible, I wanted to experience what Buddhists call “beginner’s mind”, a return to the state of initial un-knowing after having practiced for a long time, that can lead to greater realization and further deepening. (I would not lie, however, so when I was asked directly had I done the weekend before, I said yes...) Having led men on aspects of this journey for twelve years in my own Sacred Intimate practice, I wanted to change the dynamic. I wanted to be a participant again so I could sit alongside the nervousness, apprehension and awakening that often happens for first time participants during a CBE weekend.

In truth it is impossible to experience something for a second, third or fiftieth time as completely new. Memory and experience are powerful teachers. What I was able to experience again, however, is why this work is important and powerful.
First, there is the experience of creating a temporary focused community. Intention and leadership in a well-defined time frame are a strong force in and of themselves.
Second, there is the journey of self-discovery that is the object of this intention, which seeks to push people in a direction of erotic expansion. Over the thirty years of use, the variations of this journey provided by the facilitators have been proven effective and enlivening.
Third, there is the conscious and careful exploration of erotic energy itself by means of guided breath work and massage. For those who want to enter these particular gates in their awareness, this combination of esoteric spiritual and physical practices is almost magical.

The experiences of the weekend culminate in the giving and receiving of a focused erotic massage. The “pure” giving and “pure” receiving that are required are often revelatory in and of themselves: if my intention as masseur is only the well-being and pleasure of the man on the table, I awaken my compassion; if my intention as recipient, knowing that I will also have the joy of serving, is only on my experience with no need to edit or censor, I awaken lovingkindness for myself.

Each time you go through this erotic massage experience, the effects are astoundingly different. There is sometimes screaming, crying, laughing, and visions. Yet often there is also a sense of profound peace, of radiant quiet opening, and sometimes sadness. No matter what occupies our thoughts of the moment in terms of “issues”, it is impossible to predict what will surface; I have seen this time and time again in myself and in my clients. The wellspring of healing, inspiration and resiliency under the conscious mind is amazing and quite often surprising.

I was very curious about my reaction to the experience, since it has been several years since I have had an erotic massage. I did have tons and tons of energy and movement go through me, but no enormous emotional release. My body wanted to be in unconventional positions for parts of the massage (sitting up and standing) to help energy move in strong ways, but I was left with a very simple experience of quiet and open-heartedness. The upper part of my chest felt radiant and warm; I was looking up, but not at any thing or person or power - just at possibility.

Since self-created ritual is one of the best ways of celebrating important life markers for me, I was delighted to be able to use this weekend in exactly this way. So, Happy Erotic Anniversary to me! Mark your own important dates of your life journey (erotic and otherwise). Perhaps you will also find yourself looking up in radiance at possibility!