Happy middle or happy end?

 I am always gratified when a client asks about something I do that other bodyworkers tend not to. This happened yesterday when  a wise (and sweet) client asked after his session why some practitioners give a release at the end and others somewhere during the middle.

It’s a great question and one that I thought about deeply when I put my decision in place years ago to be in the “happy middle” camp.

At the beginning of an appropriate session, I tell the client that a release is possible. I do this because I don’t want the client to be thinking “will he or won’t he” for an hour as I touch him. It removes the mystery and releases stress even before we begin our work. When I get to the point where a release works well, I ask the client again, no matter what he said the first time or how aroused he is. Most practitioners who will provide a release don’t allow their clients this erotic choice. They assume that every male will want this. While most clients do say yes, allowing them this decision affirms their erotic choice; it is not about my assumption or will. And then, there really is a healthy percentage that says no. Having an orgasm requires work and strong engagement. After an hour of wonderful relaxation and conscious touch, some men simply want to bask in the sensations of arousal and pleasure without a goal. (I do offer to massage the genitals of these men without the goal of a release.)

If a client does choose to have a release, I offer a full ten minutes of massage afterwards. He is able to enjoy post-orgasmic state with even more conscious touch and attention.

A very small number of men are so sensitive after orgasm, that even gentle touch is almost painful. Gentle placement of my hands with almost no movement works in these rare instances. But in many cases, I think we are so used to orgasms being the equivalent of “…and that’s all folks” that we never luxuriate in those sensations. We can be almost fearful of the waves of pleasure that keep arising. I do hope I help men through that particular fear.

Of course a happy ending can be very fun and pleasant. However, at times it can feel like a send-off, an expectation needing to be fulfilled, disconnected from the entire session the preceded it.  Since my whole m.o. is about wholeness and (re)discovery of the body, I choose the option with the greatest possibility of integration.

Here’s to happy middles and erotic choice!