I enjoy getting body work from a variety of masseurs. There are many talented men whose varying gifts and energies I like to experience depending on the needs of my body, mind and spirit.
I don’t usually go for guys just visiting town. Often, where they do sessions feels makeshift or uncomfortable, and the significant upcharge to have someone come to my space doesn’t feel like it’s worth it. Today, however, I decided to try a guy who sounded interesting - visiting from Hawaii, significant experience with Thai massage in Thailand, etc.
There was a bit of back and forth because he offered several kinds of sessions at wildly different prices. The most unique or personal sounding ones were far out of my price range, but a nice Thai massage sounded great.
I arrived a few minutes early to his hotel and texted from the lobby as he had asked. There was no response for several minutes, then an apology that he was running a bit late. So I waited.
I waited quite a while, actually - 12 minutes. This was my first big problem. I am so careful about my timing with clients. I don’t want anyone to feel that he is part of an assembly line; I want each man to feel cherished and special. I also try to present a safe and open space. If a client is aware that he is “the next number at the deli counter”, that safety, openness and specialness is jeopardized.
But I decided to wait since I had made the trip and it was cold. He told me to come up to room 612. From what I could see, it looked like each guest needed a key to access the elevator. I asked him about this, but didn’t get an immediate response. I went to the front desk and said I was going up to 612, to which they replied: “We don’t have a room 612.” At this point, it was feeling like this guy was a total con artist. I texted that information to him. There was a few minutes lag. Then there was a phone call from him. It turned out that he had changed hotels and had forgotten to tell me. (This other place would have been a 15-minute drive plus parking.) He apologized a few times. I felt like reeling off some choice curses, but I settled for: “This is totally messed up”, and hung up.
I was angry. Really quite angry. It felt like the exact opposite of what I had hoped to experience from a massage - I felt uncared for, unconsidered and untouched. It also was so far from how I would ever treat one of my own clients that I couldn’t believe it. “Haven’t YOU ever messed up in a big way with a client?”, you ask. Yes, I have. Many years ago, I actually forgot an appointment with a repeat client. It was a busy time. I wrote it down wrong. Totally my fault. But what I did, after apologizing profusely, was offer him a free session for when he rescheduled. I couldn’t undo my lack of attention, but I could at least I could try to repair the gap of trust with an offering from the heart. It was a gesture of healing and apology, honestly facing a shortcoming without flinching.
With this guy, there was nothing. And that was what made me even angrier.
Own the mess and make amends. At least if you do that, a client (or any person in your life!) feels as if they have been heard and understood. Then it is up to them to accept the offering or walk away.
This was a reminder and lesson that I wish I had not had, truthfully. However, it did show me another unconscious way that I care for my clients and take for granted. And that was a very valuable thing to have reflected back.
I wish you the warmth of conscious, loving touch this holiday season!
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