In Greek mythology, Eros was the primordial god of sexual love and beauty. He was also worshiped as a fertility deity. He is one of the oldest deities, embodying not only the force of love but also the creative urge of ever-flowing nature. In the most famous Greek creation myth, Eros sprang forth from the primordial Chaos together with Gaia, the Earth, and Tartarus, the underworld.
In this description we see the gift of Eros: the unfettered strength of the physical, visceral and creative. We can also see the partners of Eros - Gaia, or the quality of groundedness, and Tartarus, the shadow or the unknown, all emerging from the formless, Chaos. So while the erotic certainly is about sex, it is also about nurturing and mystery. How these various qualities intersect and interact speaks to how we experience our intimate encounters with others.
In my experience, most sexually active gay men are experts in the physical side of Eros. The hot rush of attraction is familiar and fun, bringing out youthful vigor and passion. There can be a powerful, visceral connection between sexual partners when this side of Eros is addressed.
Perhaps this flash of Eros is all that is desired in certain intimate encounters. There is nothing wrong with this level of connection at times. I wonder, though, if limiting our experience of Eros to this sudden flash can ultimately be debilitating. Ignoring the earthy and mysterious companions of Eros is much like a nutritional imbalance - too much of one kind of vitamin and too little of others. Unlike a nutritional imbalance which will eventually lead to specific physical symptoms or illnesses that can be recognized and treated, the symptoms of an erotic imbalance can be subtle and hard to diagnose. Lack of interest, compulsive interest, feelings of emptiness after an encounter or after the flash of first contact, and not being able to distinguish physical attraction from deep connection could be among the symptoms.
So what to do?
Is finding “the one” the only answer?
Is it possible to be single and erotically whole and engaged?
There is certainly no substitute for intimate relationship with another human. But there is also no reason to lead a life in “erotic deficit” just because you want greater quality and depth in your intimate encounters and haven’t found “the one”. I have found that men are often very unaware of their own bodies and reactions in their own hands. It may seem counterintuitive, but self-pleasuring - a deep, fun, investigation of one’s own body - can be a great help in completing a personal picture of Eros. This concept of self-pleasuring is very different from the “getting the job done” that most of us are familiar with. Self-pleasuring may or may not contain an orgasm. It may or may not contain motions or techniques that you use often. The point is to bring Gaia and Tartarus - groundedness and mystery - into intimate relationship with Eros in our own bodies and with our own hands.
By using your own body as an erotic canvas, you allow these partners of Eros to come into play. Literally!! You may want to try a kind of toy that you have not felt comfortable having other people use on you. You may want to try one simple technique - caressing, tickling, slapping, licking, scratching - for a long period of time on as many parts of your body as you can reach and see how erotic energy builds that way. You may want to experiment with different levels of pressure of these techniques. The possibilities are nearly endless and result in a very sweet deepening of our knowledge and experience of ourselves - and also fun!
The beauty is: there is no such thing as being wrong! Allow yourself the nurturing time and space to know your own body better. Do it often. Be the expert of your erotic life!
No comments:
Post a Comment